Conversation debt: the hidden cost of avoiding tough talks

When managers delay a tough convo, the immediate relief feels great… the bill arrives later!

Missed deadlines, simmering tension, confused expectations and eventually, underperformance, become the interest payments on what we call ‘conversation debt’.

Like financial debt, a little can be manageable if you address it quickly. Ignore it and the costs compound, quietly draining time, energy and trust.

What does conversation debt look like?

You’ll recognise the symptoms… The team tiptoes around a colleague’s bad behaviour. A manager rewrites a piece of work rather than resetting expectations. Two teams keep swapping passive-aggressive emails because no one has named the real issue. These are all repayments on those avoided conversations!

As HBR has reported, “two-thirds of managers are uncomfortable communicating with employees”. This captures the leadership side well; many managers feel stretched and “skip the upfront conversation that prevents confusion later”, which only multiplies problems downstream.

We first came across the term in Steffan Surdek’s blog, and loved it - it’s the perfect description for these situations:

“Have you ever been part of a team where things left unsaid seem to loom larger than the conversations you actually have? Have you felt the weight of unaddressed issues and avoided discussions cast a shadow over team meetings and decision-making? I like to call this concept conversational debt.”

If you need a simple definition: conversation debt is the accumulated cost of unresolved issues created when we dodge the discussion that would have clarified facts, reset expectations or addressed behaviour.

The CIPD is now naming this pattern explicitly, describing “The Conversation Debt” and why leaders are avoiding the talks that matter. That growing recognition is helpful because naming the problem is the first step to fixing it.

The scale and cost of conflict when issues are dodged

Left unaddressed, small frictions escalate into conflict that is expensive for everyone. The best UK estimate puts the annual cost of workplace conflict at £28.5 billion, or around £1,000 per employee. That figure includes lost productivity, management time, absence, resignations and settlements. The headline number is striking and, more importantly, it shows where the money goes when conversations are not held early.

CIPD’s research emphasises the same point. People professionals should “nip conflict in the bud” and equip managers to respond quickly and sensitively, because delays make outcomes worse and more expensive to resolve. In other words, conversation debt grows interest fast.

You can also think about the opportunity cost. Business leaders and negotiation experts increasingly argue for more constructive conflict, not less, because healthy debate fuels better decisions. William Ury calls this “creative friction”, a reminder that avoidance does not create harmony, it just buries risk until it resurfaces under pressure.

For HR and L&D, the message is clear. Avoidance corrodes culture, pushes problems into formal processes and reduces engagement. Even CIPD’s latest work on bullying and harassment references the same £28.5bn cost, reinforcing how quickly unresolved tensions can become formal cases if left to fester.

Test: which conversations should you have this week?

You do not need a grand transformation. You need a repeatable, humane way to prioritise the right conversations now. Try this quick triage in your next leadership meeting or one to one.

1) Spot the signal

List the moments you are working around: rework you silently take on, behaviour you excuse, expectations that are fuzzy. If a workaround is recurring, it is a candidate for action. Link each item to the risk it creates for quality, wellbeing or fairness.

2) Sort by impact and reversibility

Ask two questions:

What is the impact if this continues for another month?

How reversible is the harm if we leave it?

High-impact and low-reversibility issues go first. This prevents you from picking only the easy chats.

3) Script the first 60 seconds

Most avoidance happens before we start talking. Draft a neutral, factual opening that names the gap between expectation and reality, and states your intent to find a fair way forward. One sentence is enough to get you into the room. If you need structure, our Managing difficult conversations Training gives managers a clear framework, plus phrases that reduce defensiveness and keep the discussion constructive.

4) Choose the right format

If the issue is relationship-based and mutual, pick a problem-solving approach. If it is standards-based and unilateral, be clear on the ask and consequences. When there are multiple parties or a history of tension, consider a facilitated route through Conflict resolution so people feel heard and you reach agreement faster.

5) Close with progress, not perfection

End with one step each person will take, the specific evidence you expect, and a short check-in date. This turns the conversation into momentum, which is the biggest motivator for most people. For managers who want help sustaining energy between milestones, pair this with Motivating others to build practical routines that keep progress visible.

Practical next steps for HR and L&D

Normalise early conversations.

Make “speak early, speak fairly” a visible norm for managers. Share short prompts and an opening script so the first step is easier. 

Track and reduce rework.

Ask teams to log the hours spent redoing work that a conversation could have prevented. This makes conversation debt tangible.

Support managers with tools.

Create a one-page checklist that covers purpose, facts, impact, ask, and follow up. Reinforce it through coaching and your Managing difficult Conversations programme.

Reward constructive challenge.

Recognise teams who surface issues early and resolve them well. 

Bring this to life in your organisation

If you would like a practical, confidence-building way to cut conversation debt, our Managing difficult conversations course focuses on the mindset, structure and phrases that managers can use immediately.

For recurring or multi-party issues, add Conflict resolution. To sustain energy and follow through, combine with Motivating others.

Together they create a simple, connected pathway that replaces avoidance with fair, forward momentum.