[Guide] Handling conflict at work: what good managers do differently
Conflict at work is unavoidable! Put smart, motivated people together with tight deadlines and limited resources, and disagreements will happen. But that’s not the problem, in fact, healthy challenge can improve decisions, expose risks and spark new ideas. Conflict can actually be healthy! If handled in the right way…
The trouble comes when conflict is avoided, mishandled or allowed to simmer under the surface. That’s when it drains energy, damages trust and quietly pulls performance off track.
The good news is, handling conflict is a learnable management skill. This guide looks at what tends to go wrong, what effective managers do differently, and a simple framework you can use to approach difficult situations with more confidence.
Why conflict at work is normal
It can be tempting to see conflict as a sign that something’s broken in your team. In reality, it often means people care about their work, simply have different perspectives, or are under genuine pressure. Other common reasons for workplace conflict include:
Competing priorities or unclear goals
Limited budgets, headcount or resources
Differences in working styles or communication preferences
Perceptions of unfairness or favouritism
Personality clashes or historic tensions
Misunderstandings in hybrid or remote teams
Trying to remove conflict altogether usually drives it underground. A healthier aim is to create a culture where concerns are raised early and worked through constructively, rather than avoided.
The cost of unmanaged conflict
When conflict isn’t handled well, it rarely stays contained to the people directly involved! You might notice:
Time and attention pulled into side conversations and “meetings after the meeting”
People avoiding each other, or copying managers into emails as a form of protection.
Rising absence, stress and burnout
Customers or stakeholders experiencing delays or inconsistent messages
HR being pulled in late, when positions are already entrenched
Over time, these patterns erode trust, and people stop sharing ideas or raising risks because they don’t want to get caught in the crossfire. That’s when conflict starts to damage performance as well as relationships.
Common unhelpful responses to conflict
Well-intentioned managers often fall into a few familiar traps when tensions arise. Recognising these patterns is the first step to doing something different.
1. Avoiding the issue
Hoping things will “settle down” on their own, or assuming everyone will just work it out. Sometimes they do, but more often they don’t, and by the time you step in, the story has grown arms and legs.
2. Rushing to fix it
Jumping straight to solutions without really understanding what is going on. This can leave people feeling dismissed or misunderstood, which makes them less likely to engage in future.
3. Taking sides too quickly
Believing the first version you hear, especially if it comes from someone you usually trust. Taking sides, even unintentionally, makes it very hard to rebuild a sense of fairness.
4. Handling everything by email or chat
Typing long messages when emotions are already high is rarely helpful. Tone is very easy to misread, people forward and screenshot messages, and the conflict hardens in the written word.
5. Treating it as purely “personal”
Focusing only on personalities, rather than looking at processes, workloads or structures that might be contributing to the issue. You risk missing the bigger picture that could prevent the next conflict.
What good managers do differently
Managers who handle conflict well aren’t fearless, and they don’t enjoy confrontation! They simply have habits that make constructive outcomes more likely.
1. They spot early warning signs
Good managers pay attention to the small signals: changing body language in meetings, people going quiet, sarcastic comments, or repeated complaints about “them” in another team. They treat these as prompts to investigate further, not as background noise.
2. They prepare, rather than improvise
Instead of walking into a conversation and hoping for the best, they take a few minutes to prepare. They separate what they know from what they are assuming, think about the impact on everyone involved, and clarify what “better” would look like by the end of the conversation.
3. They stay curious, not defensive
Effective managers resist the urge to prove who is right. They ask open questions, listen more than they speak, and paraphrase to check understanding. Their goal is to get a clear, shared picture of the issue, even if they still need to make a firm decision later.
4. They create a sense of psychological safety
Good managers pay attention to how safe it feels to speak up. They:
Set simple ground rules for respectful discussion
Acknowledge emotions without letting them run the show
Make sure each person has time to speak without interruption
Avoid blaming language and focus on behaviour and impact
5. They use a clear structure
Rather than letting the conversation wander, they use a simple structure that moves from story to shared understanding to solutions. This helps keep everyone focused and reduces the risk of going round in circles.
6. They follow up
Managers who handle conflict well do not assume that one conversation fixes everything. They check back, notice whether agreed actions have actually happened, and adjust if needed. This follow up builds trust and shows that the issue really mattered.
A simple guide for handling conflict at work
You don’t necessarily need a complex model to improve how you manage conflict. The following can be applied to many situations, from friction between colleagues to tensions between teams.
1. Prepare
Before you speak to anyone:
Clarify what you know, what you have heard, and what you are guessing
Write down the impact you are concerned about, not just the behaviour
Decide what you want from the conversation (for example: understanding, agreement on next steps, ground rules for the future)
Plan how to open the conversation in a calm, fair way
2. Start well
When you bring people together, set the tone. You might say:
“Thank you both for making time. I’ve noticed some tension around how work is being handed over. I’d like us to talk it through so we can understand what’s going on and agree a way forward that works for everyone.”
Outline any ground rules, such as speaking respectfully, not interrupting, and focusing on behaviours and decisions rather than personal attacks.
3. Explore perspectives
Give each person uninterrupted time to share their view. Encourage them to focus on:
What has been happening
How it has impacted them and their work
What they have already tried
Use questions like:
“Can you share a recent example?”
“How did that play out for you?”
“What were you hoping would happen there?”
Summarise what you have heard from each person and check you have it right. This alone often softens positions, because people feel heard.
4. Define the problem together
Once everyone has spoken, shift the focus from individual stories to the shared issue. For example:
“It sounds like the core problem is that deadlines are being agreed without talking to everyone affected, which is causing last minute pressure and some understandably strong reactions. Does that feel accurate?”
You are aiming for a description of the problem that everyone, even reluctantly, can recognise.
5. Look for options
Invite the group to generate options. Keep them concrete and practical. You might ask:
“What could each of you do differently next time?”
“What would ‘good’ look like two weeks from now?”
“What small changes would make the biggest difference?”
Aim for a small number of clear, realistic actions rather than a long wish list.
6. Agree and follow up
Clarify who will do what, by when, and how you will check in. For example:
“So we are agreeing that new deadlines will be discussed in the Wednesday stand up, and if anything urgent comes in, you will message each other directly rather than assuming it can wait. Let us meet again in three weeks to see how this is working.”
Capture the agreement and follow up as promised. This is where many conflict conversations fall down.
A before and after example
Before
A manager hears that two team members, Alex and Priya, are “not getting on”. The manager speaks briefly to Alex in the corridor, hears a story about Priya missing deadlines, and quietly decides Alex is in the right. They send Priya a short email asking her to “keep on top of requests” and leave it there.
Over the next few weeks:
Priya feels blamed and unsupported
Alex vents to colleagues, who start to take sides
The quality of handovers between them gets worse, not better
By the time the manager realises how serious the issue has become, both employees are talking about leaving.
After
Using a more structured approach, the manager:
Spends ten minutes preparing, listing what they actually know and what is second hand
Meets Alex and Priya separately to understand their perspectives
Brings them together for a short, structured conversation
Helps them agree specific changes to how they plan work and communicate when things slip
Schedules a follow up in three weeks
The conflict does not vanish, but it becomes manageable. Both employees feel heard, expectations are clearer, and the manager has demonstrated that relationship issues are taken seriously, not brushed aside.
Seven questions to ask yourself before you step into a conflict
Use this quick checklist as a pause button before you act.
What do I actually know, and what am I assuming?
How is this conflict affecting people, performance or customers?
What outcome would make this situation “better” in a realistic sense?
What might each person be worried about or trying to protect?
What is my own default response to conflict, and how might that show up here?
How can I create space where everyone feels able to speak honestly and safely?
What is one small step I can take today to move this forward?
When to involve HR or senior leaders
Managers are often the first line of support, but they are not expected to handle everything alone. You should consider involving HR, or another senior leader, when:
There are allegations of bullying, discrimination or harassment
Formal processes, such as grievance or disciplinary procedures, might be needed
The conflict involves a serious risk to wellbeing or health and safety
You are personally too close to the situation to be neutral
Bringing in support early is a sign of professionalism, not weakness. It shows you are taking the issue seriously and want it handled fairly.
Building your managers’ confidence
Handling conflict at work will probably never be the easiest part of a management role. With the right mindset, structure and language, it can become far less daunting, and even a source of better relationships and stronger performance.
If you want to give managers a clear, repeatable framework they can use in real conversations, a focused training session can help. A short, live Conflict Resolution course for managers can provide practical tools, realistic scenarios and space to practise in a safe environment, so they are ready when the next real conflict appears.
